Friday, March 1, 2013

Loving Care

I used to go around with nobody concerns or cares about. It is because my family  divorced when I was in form 1 (high school). At that times, I was a teenager, with no one really cares about me, I was free. I can go anyway I want, I can return home late at nights- people just don't care. I also don't even care.

During those times, I don't understand why most my  friends need to return home before dinner time (8 pm) or why they have to call to their parents when they are away from home. Till now,  I don't even care about this. I don't really see how it must takes place in our life. I feel, it never important. 

So, yesterday, as usual self, I wanted to drop by to my mom's house directly after work. Sometimes, I will sms D'man when I reached home and most of the times, he will call me timely at 7.30 pm ( this is the time I usually reach home) to check me whether i was safely reached home. Yeah, he is sweet & gentleman.....

So before, I went back, I texted  D'man saying that I will return home quite late since I'm going to drop by at my mom's. When I reached there, I forgot my phone in the bag was in silent mode, and I was too occupied to noticed it. I always like this when I with family, it's my bad habit, I just don't' really see why this is annoying and troublesome for other people.

When I returned home, late at night,  there are lots of missed calls from him. Quickly I texted him, and he called me with a mad tension in his voice.

He saying about how he worried sick about me and thought something had happened to me. He supposed to hang out with his friends that night but he canceled it because he was too worry about me. And as my usual irresponsible person, I said I already sms him about me lepaking  at my mom's house , why would he bothered to worry? Why he needs to care? I used to be anywhere without need to inform anybody. I used to take care myself.

My answers hurt him...then he sadly explained..

"Even I did text him, that was before I get out from office. Anything can happened during the journey to my mom's house, and that's what worried him. He just want to make sure I was ok."

He sadly asked...

"Why I can't text/call him once I reached there? . It just take a one-2 secs to at write simple text to him and why I can't even bothered to do that simple thing. To think about him that always thinking about me... "

But before I can answered, he sadly said...

"..... is because...I never think about him when I was by myself."

I silence myself. Yes, I was totally forgot about him... that's true and hurtful. I forgot that now I have someone that love and care about me so much. But my forgetful does not mean he's not important to me. He is important!! It just because I used to be alone, by myself.

It was my fault...

but he was the one that asked forgiveness..

" I'm sorry I love you too much and maybe this annoyed you.  Please tell me if my concerns, this cares are wrong.. and I will stop doing this worrying stuff.  Is this wrong?"

No.. your love is never wrong.. It just me who never understand what love is.. so please don't stop loving me..cause I love you so much too..

Now I learn to care this love too..

Thursday, February 28, 2013

Teddy bear

I don't remember when the first time I had a teddy bear. I think it was during my fresh year in university. I bought myself a small teddy bear of the size of my both hands. At that time, my purpose was to decorate my bed so it would look a bit feminine. I stayed in a dorm with 2 others roommates so I was influenced with they femininity.

My teddy bear name is Toby. I called him Toby-san. I slept with him by my side, and hold him so dearly. Every time I woke up, he always laid at the bottom of my bed, or my leg. ...:P

Then, when I was bored, I will make him to hip-hop dance. I think it's funny and cute, so do my friends. After that, all my friends started to give their teddy a name and learnt how to dance with their teddy ^^

But again,  i don't remember when I lost him. Maybe in packaging process when it was the end of our year?

One thing I remember, he was my last teddy bear.

This teddy reminds me of him-
I took this photo when I was in  a shopping complex somewhere..
I miss to have a teddy bear on my bed again...

The value of money

Fifty Ringgit. When in a pinch, with 50 ringgit, I can survive for 5 days,before the next salary payment. Amazing, what money can make we do. When were given limited amount, with 50 ringgit, it can last for 5 days. Within this 5 days, I can go to work 5 days ( toll, gas) , i can pay parking ticket for 5 days, I can eat roti for each 5 days,
But when no longer in need/pinch , we can finish the 50 ringgit in a day!. And we always complaint about not enough money!!

For other people, 50 ringgit is just too enough.

The value of money is depending on how we see... 
 how we use that money- intelligently

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Cat in the bag

I caught cat in the bag. It so heavy but amazingly cute.

Raito in the bag-.hehehe

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Jogging in the park

I'm not a chatter. Even among my group of friends, I hardly speaks. But people that knew me knows I'm not anti-social . I just prefer to listen. And maybe because of my character, I have just a few close friends.

However, as years pass by, many of these close friends got married and have children. We became drifting apart, not in a bad way. We do contact each other once in a while, but sometimes it seems like they are now living in another world from me. They got other peoples that they prefer to spent time with- called a family. Lots of things changes, their attention, their way of talks, their priority, their thinking, their fun, - everything is not the same as when they were single. Its not like i don't like these changes, I'm so happy for them, really! I just feel like I'm the only person that do not changes. Feeling like I will forever trapped in this dimension where even the time move on, it does not move with me..

So, every weekends when most of my friends had plans with their love one, or family, I go for a stress relief activity. A jog. I've been jogging since past few months and I had shredded few kgs. I'm proudly present my weight is now 46 kg. Previously it was 50 kg. The weight now is almost like when I was in university. In weddings I attended,  most my married friends says I look so thin. They express their envy for my curves, and wish they got their old figures back. But I never feel actual proud because i will always reply with this :

"It's a fact that all married women will have some changes in their figures, due to pregnancy etc. This changes resemble the happiness of your life. It's not a matter at all. I'm the one who envy towards all of you girls. You already married. You have your children,  you have your love of your life. You have everything and happiness.Your life is already perfect, there is  no word 'envy' in your life now. " 

They shyly denied me, but those smile and cheer on the face can't fools me. They got nothing more to seek outside there, except for their family.

Ok, back to the jogging stuff. It helps me a lot. I got depressed many times and its not good for my health and my mind. - You should know what i did when i was younger, i don't want to go back to that ever!

But since I started this exercise, I feel better. a bit by bit. I jog every weekends, morning at park nearby. Here are some pics taken when I was there.

I usually jog around the lake for 30 minutes. The lake view never bored me. 

When I rest, I look around the nature, listen to chirping sounds and whispering winds..
It calms me.
sometimes there is music sound comes  from a group of aunties who do dance exercise nearby.. 

some of unique decorative trees in the park, that caught my attention. 

Morning in the park is so beautiful and fresh.
Even the blue clear sky look so amazing from here...

A rest pondok 

My accompany- a bottle of drink. hehe... 

This jogging stuff is good for my health, and also my soul. Even my target is getting close too. 

Kemeriahan majlis bersanding hari itu. (part akhir)

Ni adalah sebahagian rakan-rakan, ahli keluarga semasa majlis bersanding 14.3.2015. Terima kasih semua!! . #majorthrowback rakan USM ...