Thursday, February 14, 2013

Running away from love

Currently status, I'm running away from writing. Too many things inside my head, mostly things that are hurtful and personal that concern family matters. I can't focus, i can't concentrated. Been running away from home  - yeah,  being childish Am i?

D'Man jokingly said- for him,  i'm always a seventeen teen, so it's OK to run away. It makes me laugh cause how so different our ages is, and he's the one who seem to be the matured one. That laugh, thanks to him, some of my problems seems to go away, a bit by bit.

Yeah, i'm running.. He let me be.. but when i turned around, he always there a step behind me, looking over me, watching over me.. until i'm ready to stop, and he will be the one who's going to walk me home back, safely.

Honestly, i never believe in love. I'm a love fiction writer, but i don't believe in it.  Even D'man who  have been my boyfriend for a year, i never really have a 100% love for him. He noticed it. He always said that when i said to him 'I love you so much'- he said, it feels so empty. He said he can know my thoughts, my feelings, without me saying it, and it sometimes hurts him. I know it's true, cause that things  he said, is the truth.

I know my love for him is kinda of empty... I'm speechless when questions about love come out from him. Do i really love him? What I will do for him? Could i sacrifice my selfishness for him? My silence hurts him more. I'm sorry.

but.. that time.. 

I was far away from home, being alone, being sad and he found me. Seeing him, that fear, that concerns, that distress, that eye. For the first time in my life,  I think i saw real LOVE.

"Do i really love him? What I will do for him? Could i sacrifice my selfishness for him?"

This time, strangely, honestly, crazily ..  Yes, i do love you.... 

This running now stop. 






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