Saturday, February 16, 2013

Tempe goreng belacan cili umphh!

Today, for lunch, there is tempe in the fridge. So instead of boring fried tempe, I made tempe goreng belacan cili. So umphhh!! So pedas!! I like it!! I like food that spicy. For me, cili padi is a must..  Even when I eat instant maggi, I put cili padi inside it to make it taste a little bit spicy...

Or when my father cooked fried anchovy with dry pepper. I ate the dry peppers like chips. hehe...

Tempe goreng belacan bercili

Link to how to cook it :

resepi tempe goreng belacan berapi

Friday, February 15, 2013

Cherish the moment

I read a blog. The owner shows her love to her boyfriend by giving gifts and so does his boyfriend. Then, the owner shows her new phone wallpaper, that is her boyfriend pictures. They are just a high school couple that just finished their S.P.M last year. It's a gedik situation, some may say, and I was the one who never like this childish things. it makes me puke..

But, what interest me is not the gift, or the activities, but her way of describing the moment, the time, spent together with her love. She describe it so joyfully. It so honest, coming from heart. and the gifts... even it just 20 cents item, it came from honest heart, a pure love heart. A pure heart that know love and the joy of it. I, never show that.. or cherish that..

" You never do something for me, that come from heart, it always.. like you had to do it.. you must do it.. or you can gain benefit from it..  there always whining at the end of it.. "

D'Man always said that, and I keep myself quiet, or slowly denied it. So strange our relationship is right? He knows me too much no matter how much i try to pretend. But never once, he shows his anger towards me. But I can always see his disappointments. I was bad girlfriend.. such a bad one..

Thinking back at that time, yes, i always whining. When he asked me to meet him at another place  that i never went (which i had to drive myself, or pick him up,)  i always whining how tired i'm and giving the reasons of traffics / probability of lost my way...  At the end,  he always pick me up. Even how tired he is.

When I busy during office time, and he calls me, i sometimes purposely do not answer it, or if i answered it, i get mad and scolded him.. But at  night, during bed time, when I was calm, and chill,  he will call me back.- even after what i did to him in the afternoon. He never miss even a day to call and wish me good night. While me? I'm so stingy when i need to top up to call him, so i always keeps my phone with no credits for weeks. I was a bad girlfriend..

Other times, when he wants to meet me so much, so miss me so much, i rejected him.. But when i did, he will always come to see me without any fuss and yet, i still don't believe he loves me and always try to pick an argument with him. I call him a cheater, without reasonable reason and i never trust him. For me,he, is just like many guy out there who always play with girl's heart and feeling, once we trust them..

At that time, i never know love is the reason for his actions, his nice side, his gentleman side, his belief, his trust, and his patience with me.. Yes, we always said to each other how we love each other, but  I just never actually believe.

At that time, for me, our relationship serves as way  to have a family together.. I always think that it is not love that tied us together, but a commitment, dependable feeling for each other and the scare of had to live alone. But, honestly, it was only me who thought that. It was for my own selfishness.

He never once think like that.. He loves me. That how love act is.. and he had shown me his love, all this time..

So , from now on, I want to cherish every moment of me with him and show him my own love.. and it will start by me calling him first, each day..

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Running away from love

Currently status, I'm running away from writing. Too many things inside my head, mostly things that are hurtful and personal that concern family matters. I can't focus, i can't concentrated. Been running away from home  - yeah,  being childish Am i?

D'Man jokingly said- for him,  i'm always a seventeen teen, so it's OK to run away. It makes me laugh cause how so different our ages is, and he's the one who seem to be the matured one. That laugh, thanks to him, some of my problems seems to go away, a bit by bit.

Yeah, i'm running.. He let me be.. but when i turned around, he always there a step behind me, looking over me, watching over me.. until i'm ready to stop, and he will be the one who's going to walk me home back, safely.

Honestly, i never believe in love. I'm a love fiction writer, but i don't believe in it.  Even D'man who  have been my boyfriend for a year, i never really have a 100% love for him. He noticed it. He always said that when i said to him 'I love you so much'- he said, it feels so empty. He said he can know my thoughts, my feelings, without me saying it, and it sometimes hurts him. I know it's true, cause that things  he said, is the truth.

I know my love for him is kinda of empty... I'm speechless when questions about love come out from him. Do i really love him? What I will do for him? Could i sacrifice my selfishness for him? My silence hurts him more. I'm sorry.

but.. that time.. 

I was far away from home, being alone, being sad and he found me. Seeing him, that fear, that concerns, that distress, that eye. For the first time in my life,  I think i saw real LOVE.

"Do i really love him? What I will do for him? Could i sacrifice my selfishness for him?"

This time, strangely, honestly, crazily ..  Yes, i do love you.... 

This running now stop. 

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Being A man

Being a man is hard don't you think so? You can't show weakness. You must be dependable. You must be strong enough to protect others. Your mind must be collectibles, your decision must be the right one. You can't show anger, you take the blame.  It's hard, i never thought that, how hard it is to be a man.  Even you feeling so helpless, you had to face it by yourself, mostly alone.

Hard isn't it?

The most part is to keep your love, protect and save it.

I think i found my man. I never thought i will..

Kemeriahan majlis bersanding hari itu. (part akhir)

Ni adalah sebahagian rakan-rakan, ahli keluarga semasa majlis bersanding 14.3.2015. Terima kasih semua!! . #majorthrowback rakan USM ...